Archive for November, 2012

back from the den

Posted in life with tags , , on November 29, 2012 by onepercentyellow

The full moon has found me, and while I feel slightly closer to a sense of balance, I know I still have  a lot of work to do.  At the same time, this experience has been overwhelmingly helpful, and I have reminded myself of the multiple ways we fight against ourselves and our own happiness.

For example… I was actually worried, feeling guilty, making excuses for myself as to why I could not/should not take a break from the world for a few days.  If I were in less difficult circumstances, perhaps I would have put away the idea of disappearing, telling myself that my responsibilities were so important I could not dream of laying them down.  As it was, it was part choice, but mostly necessity.  What have I learned there?

“If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.” Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

And a case in point – my 207 emails that came in over the course of 10 days.

Work-related emails – 9
Emails from friends – 3
Tweets and Facebook messages for/mentioning me – 7
Listserve emails I don’t read anyway – 22
Blogs I subscribe to – 58 (34 of which were from Foundmonton)
Other random Facebook notifications – 65
Couchsurfing – 1
Good Information – 4
Junk – 38

Needless to say I spent a bit of time unsubscribing myself and changing my notification settings when I got back.  It has done wonders for my inflated sense of purpose.

When I checked-out, I posted on my blog, in case anyone was looking for me (mom??? are you out there???), but as far as I can tell, only two people who know me actually knew I was gone.  And, in a strange irony, the post garnered me a couple new followers of my blog.  Welcome folks!  But really, digital life, and life in general, just flowed by.  My absence was no more missed than a pebble in a riverbed.  Humbled.  Check.

And the process of just being with myself.  Writing, reading, meditating, thinking, forgetting has been worth the condensed deletion of my junk mail… wait….. was there a price to this?

Self imposed meditation.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on November 20, 2012 by onepercentyellow

I’m in need of a retreat.  I feel as though life is overwhelming me.  It’s not all that strange to check out for a couple days.  Folks use retreats all the time in organizational building and psychological healing.   Problem is, where do I go on a retreat?  I checked out the web page to an eco village close to Lima.  I had heard about it when I happened by the Krishna temple in town.  The photos showed a cool looking place with gardens full of beautiful vegetables, opportunities to volunteer in the community and many yoga and mediation classes.  But it looks friendly and loud, and the thing is, I really just want to be alone with my thoughts, my yoga mat, my ukulele and discipline.  I’ve heard discipline described as embracing your own burning desire to know yourself through learning, creating and expressing the spirit and animation of your own existence. 

 

We let ourselves feel the ache for wholeness and THIS inspires us to our practice.  Yoga practice is a response to the call of Spirit. 

-falling open blog

 

 

You surrender. 

 

And you find your spirit as reward.

 

There are many arguments in my mind telling me why I can’t afford to take myself out of the distance communication of the web and phones and into the present moment.  I feel like somehow as my distance self is so tentatively constructed, nothing but memories and bits of paper flying through the air, I must also argue that my present self is equally tentative.  It is easy to misplace this self and get caught in routine or lost in ego. 

 

And so I came to post directions to my spiritual retreat of one… my home.  If you don’t know where I live, I’m sorry but I’m out of communication.  For those who know my home, please, don’t stop by.  I am trying to know myself.

 

I’ll return with the full moon.